A Plague on Both Your Houses

Here are some of this week’s actual events:

1) Charlie got sick. Sick enough that after he couldn’t keep anything down for 36 hours, we schlepped ourselves to Stickers Doctor, who hooked us up with anti-nausea meds.

2) I had the enviable opportunity to pin down my obstinate four-year-old and, while he hollered, toss one of the dissolvable tabs in his open mouth. It was also my bucolic task to then hold his jaw shut for ten seconds while Señor Zofran dissolved therein. Had he spit it out, we would have had to drive to the hospital for IV fluids. So there.

3) Because anti-nausea drugs completely snow a person under for a good while, it was also my responsibility to wake and cajole a drunken, sleepy preschooler into sipping his blue Gatorade several times per hour to avoid dehydration. Best week of my life, folks. Best. Week. Ever.

4) In the foggy hinterlands of my mommy brain, I wondered why nobody in my university or graduate training ever thought to enroll me in something USEFUL, for Pete’s sake, like a practicum on administering anti-nausea meds to stubborn, scared preschoolers. Actually, there probably is a practicum for that. In nursing school. Curse my right-brained liberal arts education!

5) Jeff did something evil on our Costco date and purchased an enormous tub of nacho cheese. The only person in the house who apparently has a predisposition to Que Bueno addiction is me. Shizby.

6) I escorted Jack and Henry back to the ENT, who found yet another infection in Jack’s left ear (which, I am beginning to think, has been the unfortunate target of a hex). This time it didn’t look like fungus, so we went back onto our much-practiced regimen of anti-bacterial ear drops. But not before Dr. P and a helpful passel of nurses pinned Jack down, extracted a sample of drainage, and cleaned out that beleaguered ear. See you after Christmas, Dr. P! We are your job security, I daresay.

7) I caught a cold. Nobody had to pin me down to take my medicine.

8) My thieving sons pilfered every last morsel of chocolate from the advent calendar, but the mom-controlled magnetic calendar reveals that in twelve days it will be Christmas. The four-year-old and I are of the same mindset on this one: Christmas is magical and even the anticipation is sweet.

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