The Not-So-Cohesive Post

A few disconnected (possibly bizarre) free-floating thoughts:

1) I think I need a Lindt 70% dark chocolate section of my food storage, and I need to bulk up on it now, before summer “break” rears it’s big toothy horse head.

2) I’ve noticed that every coming-of-age movie features a mom character who is either a) sad or b) quietly depressed and/or c) vacant-eyed. After our movie date last Saturday, I experienced that moment when I realized that I have become that vacant-eyed mom–the one staring blandly at the messes springing up spontaneously around her. If my family were a movie, Henry would be the charming adolescent star growing up in a quirky family with two special younger brothers, a toddler buddy, and a vacant-eyed mom (me) who floats around in the background. Jeff would undoubtedly have some good scenes as an understanding pop–one who expects a lot of his growing eldest boy, but who also remembers what it’s like to be a kid. (Starring in such a Henry-centric film would really go to somebody’s head, I can confidently predict).

3) In an angry (yet genius) burst of passion, I removed a bunch of fashion bloggers from my Instagram feed yesterday. Go show off your 22-year-old size zero self with your endless array of #anthropologie, #jcrew, #toryburch, #outfitoftheday selfies to somebody who cares. I’ll go back to happily enjoying my sweatsuit and my purple Nikes. Or my Tevas and my stretchy skirt. I’m a mom! Nobody cares how I look, so I mainly dress for comfort and function! (That would be a fashion blog that would go nowhere, snort!)

4) Lifestyle bloggers. Why do they irritate me so? Is it because their lives appear so effortlessly perfect and stylish and stress-free? Is it because their blogs amplify the value of the way things look, how much they cost, how stylish and creative they are, and how exotic their leisure-time recreation appears? When I read them, I feel an intense urge to glare at them and start slowly sarcastic-clapping, while snarking to myself, “Yay for your perfect little revenue-generating, self-congratulatory blog life!”

5) Some of the best inventions ever are the following: ebooks which float magically through the cloud to my Kindle app in less than 60 seconds; closed-circuit Jack Cam technology which thwarts a late-evening Code Brown attempt; and squeaky green pacifiers which are saving our bacon with a certain angry, teething toddler.

6) I am supposed to teach a Mission Prep class to a bunch of pre-missionary young men and women this weekend. I have not yet served a full-time mission. Okey dokey, folks. My strategy is going to be this: approach the material from the perspective of someone who is working with LDS missionaries–perhaps warily, and with some trepidation, but also with a growing conviction and belief in the Savior’s plan. That, and I will serve them lots of cookies. It just might work.

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