My alter ego, the Witch Woman, has taken over. She is laying down the law in this lawless house on the parenting frontier. She is stomping around in cowboy boots and waving a shotgun while cussing at the prairie varmints.
If the people in this house want to live to see another desert sunrise they had best consider the following house rules:
1. We do not stuff French fries down the seat belt holder in the new (to us) car.
2. We do not stuff fruit snacks and sweaty socks beneath the couch.
3. We do not poop in the backyard, the front yard, the baby’s room, or one’s pants.
4. We do not stuff bits of Clif bars down the AC vents.
5. We do not stuff toothbrushes and chewing gum down the drain of the bathroom sink.
6. We do not change clothing fourteen times per day, leaving a trail of tears and laundry for the bitter house laundress.
7. We do not throw the flatware in the garbage can when tossing out empty applesauce cups.
8. We do not open granola bars simply so we can shred the wrappers, discarding the unbeaten bar on the floor.
9. We do not run away, climb a fence, or toss shoes into the neighbor’s backyard when a parent asks us to come inside.
10. We will get our act together or so help her, the Witch Woman is going to go ape.