I recently stumbled across a list entitled “You Know You’re a Special-Needs Mom When…” It was a giant list of esoteric situations, and it got me thinking about my own strange list. I’ve been mentally composing it all week.
You know you’re a special-needs mom when…
* two different buses arrive at your door just minutes apart to ferry two different children to their respective schools.
* you know instinctually to sprint to the bathroom and snatch a packet of fruit snacks out of the toilet, just as it is being flushed down.
* your husband remarks “It’s sad how good I’ve gotten at pipe-snaking and re-seating toilets” because of all the flushed toys, etc.
* you’re thrilled that your child pooped in the bathtub, because at least it was in the right room, if not in the right spot.
* sacrament meeting at church is the most stressful and maddening hour of your life, every week. Seriously though.
* the receptionist at the pediatrician’s office knows everything about you.
* your food storage (for two members of the family) consists of Doritos and Goldfish crackers.
* you tell the babysitter, “Here is the key for accessing all the food and clothing in the house,” and “Be sure to lock the door to the garage so Jack won’t power sand the car.
* you consider purging your house of all the toys, because your people prefer playing with vacuums, extension cords, and vibrating foot massagers.
* you fall asleep at night to the green glow of the live video feed of your nine-year-old’s bedroom.
* ear-tube surgeries are a semi-annual event.
* your family’s behaviorist brings you chocolate on a no good, very bad day.
* people willingly engage with you in conversations about poop.
* everyone in your circle of friends knows the meaning of the phrase “Code Brown.”
* your idea of a perfect day includes everyone in the family discreetly doing their two-sies independently.
* your Kindle contains the titles What to do When Your Life Falls Apart, and Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid.