Month: August 2013

Nothing to Write Home About

A few observations: 1. If you have taken photos of the forlorn toy kitchen and wooden play food and dishes that nobody cares about anymore, and set them by the door and begun to list them on your town’s online yard sale, suddenly everyone in the house can play with nothing else. Wooden watermelon triangles! Tiny metal muffin tins! An…

Granny Pants, Modern Gal

I spent part of my Saturday afternoon sitting next to my husband watching a show featuring older folks reminiscing about life in the 1930’s and 1940’s. Don’t everyone clamber to hang out with us at once. My husband has an affinity for listening to old folks, or “duffers” as he affectionately calls them, wax nostalgic about the old days. As…

My name is Inigo Montoya

You know that part in The Princess Bride when Wesley is racing to catch up to Buttercup and her captors as they sail toward the Cliffs of Insanity? Remember what is happening all around them, churning up the sea and generally making a giant racket? It’s the shrieking eels, people. They are those loud, scary, toothy, aggressive snake-things that make…

Things I Just Don’t Do

We took a trip to see Stickers Doctor recently because Jack was knocking his head against the wall and also hitting the baby. This is Jackspeak for “I’m sick.” It wasn’t the ears this time, or strep, although we tested for it. We always test for it, because holding Jack as Holly the nurse gags him while she swabs his…

The Grumpy Troll Guarding the Door

A riddle: What is full of food, bundled with clothes, and hums all the time? Answer: My laundry room. The room designed for laundering linens has undergone a transformation around here. It now houses the nine-year-old’s and the five-year-old’s entire wardrobes, as well as our groceries. You might be asking yourself why anyone hasn’t conceived of such a brilliant storage…

A Boring List

Today I scraped up the gelatinous remains of 13 Swedish fish from the table, floor, and leather armchair. Today I picked up 37 Pull-ups that the baby tossed from the closet upstairs over the landing and into the entryway. Today I went hunting in the neighborhood for my son who went missing. I found him in a neighbor’s backyard and…

Fillerup

This summer, we have become regulars at the gas station near our house. The Chevron is to us what Cheers was to Norm and Clif. We go there like clockwork in the late morning where we follow a routine which includes a) peanut butter cups, b) bubble gum, c) 32 ounces of happy bubbly (mine, keep away). This daily sugar…

Oxygen Masks

I started a new book last night. While I’m only a few pages in, it holds promise. I’m already attached. Its about a 1970’s rock star who travels through time to fin de sicle Vienna, because what 1970’s rock star doesn’t dream of doing this? It’s a thrill to find a delicious book, particularly when my reading time (which is…

Dreamboat

Last week I dreamed I cut my hair. I looked in the mirror, and tah dah!, I had a sassy little shag cut with lots of layers and straight bangs. My dream self thought, “Well lookee here!” And I was inspired. My dream about hairdos planted a seed of change in my mind; the ennui of late summer grabbed onto…

Boy Town

I just read an article which says that men with sisters and daughters are more charitable in all areas of their lives, and that men with no sisters or daughters are stingier and more self-centered. We can add this to the growing stack of studies which the media likes to print, all explaining that people who do not have daughters…