Month: January 2014

Going Snape

I believe I have crossed an invisible threshold and have become an old mom. Not old in terms of my actual chronological age, but crone-ish in my attitude and perspective. Old mom doesn’t care what people think about her parenting. She doesn’t give a rodent’s patootie about people-pleasing. Old mom dares you to cast judgment. This became abundantly clear during…

Storm Season

It’s hurricane season in my household. Never mind that we are land-locked and decidedly not coastal-dwelling. It totally feels like a cat 5 is barreling down on us. Not literally, of course. We are only metaphorically facing crazy strong wind gusts and an over abundance of water flying around and slapping us all in the face. It merely feels like a vortex…

Hairy Scary

I had my hair done yesterday. As my lovely platinum-blonde stylist Jessica basted my head with a concoction of creams, I told her that I daydream about having a pixie cut. All the starlets are doing it. Jennifer Lawrence. Emma Watson. Michelle Williams. Anne Hathaway. A bunch of others that I can’t remember right now. It looks so carefree, a…

Let It Go

My husband, who doesn’t believe in setting New Year’s resolutions, has given up soda. Effective January 1. I wished him happy trails on his journey of drinking more water from the orange Camelbak water bottle he got for Christmas. I’m happy for him, but I’m not willing to give up Cherry Cokes. Sorry Charlie (by which I mean the hubs…

Reading List

We have now reached that point in January when my instincts to climb into bed and stay there until mid-March are threatening to overpower me. Daily responsibilities? The raising of children? Fiddlesticks. All that matters is my bed. And my down comforter. And my electric blanket. And my quilt. Please leave me alone. I’m trying to crawl through the rest…

You Say Holland, I Say Hawaii

Dutch and I just returned from a week in Hawaii. Just kidding. I’m speaking in code. “A week in Hawaii” actually means “a night in a hotel downtown.” Whatever. The important part is that we got away, albeit briefly, and emotionally filled our inner vessels. While I fervently wish I had been lying on a Hawaiian beach, I was instead…

Bad Cattitude

Let me begin by saying I am not fond of cats. I tend to be more of a dog person. Cats strike me as smug, superior, and a little bit creepy—all qualities which I do not admire in animals. Or in people either, actually. I probably just alienated myself with that statement from a number of readers. I’m sorry if…

The Big Picture

There is an art installation somewhere honoring Nelson Mandela. It is made of carved sticks stuck into the ground that together form a likeness of Mandela’s face when viewed from a single spot, some distance away. When I saw the images online I thought: A) This is why I am not an artist. Never in a million years would I…

I’m giving out stern lectures. Beware.

Captain’s Log: 1.11.14 It was a day of mild victories (every single member of the family helped clean the church this morning— I use the term ‘help’ loosely, but the fact is we all went and did our part and there were no major vacuum-related tantrums). It was a day of violent meltdowns (Jack attacking Charlie and me in the…