Hairy Scary

I had my hair done yesterday. As my lovely platinum-blonde stylist Jessica basted my head with a concoction of creams, I told her that I daydream about having a pixie cut. All the starlets are doing it. Jennifer Lawrence. Emma Watson. Michelle Williams. Anne Hathaway. A bunch of others that I can’t remember right now.

It looks so carefree, a pixie cut.

While it seems dreamy, I did not tell Jessica to chop my hair off. Here’s why:

1. I inherited my dad’s ears. They are pointy and stick out rather dramatically from my head, not unlike the ears on the elves in The Hobbit. Except I am not lithe and graceful and perfect like Legolas and Tauriel, so pointy elfin ears don’t really do anything for my look.

Speaking of The Hobbit, we saw The Desolation of Smaug yesterday. Though you did not solicit it, here is my review: The giant spider scene was about eighteen minutes too long. The effects and costumes were good. It’s super violent, but apparently that’s okay for a family movie if only Orcs and monster arachnids are biting the dust? In my view, the entire movie should have been absorbed into the first Hobbit, and into the next and last one coming out later this year. But I suspect I’m not in Peter Jackson’s target demographic, so what do I know.

I digress.

2. Starlets with pixie cuts are gorgeous. They would look great bald, or in stocking caps, or in rainbow Afro wigs. When they pare down their hair, their beautiful features are the main attraction. The rest of us might just look like regular folks with regular faces, and a really short haircut, amirite?

3. I have this feeling that as I age, my hair will get shorter and plainer in direct correlation to my will to style it. I’d better make the best of it now, before it’s uber short, frizzy, and battleship gray. And framed with a pair of elf ears.

When I reach the short/frizzy/battleship gray stage of my hair’s life, I wonder if it will be uninhibiting. Will a bad head of neglected hair unencumber me? Will I embrace my unconventional ears?

Let’s start a campaign to bring back the cloche hat from the 1920’s.

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