He Said, She Said

Things the hubs and I have said to each other recently:

Me: “If I tell you something, are you going to make fun of me?”
Dutch: “Probably.”

Dutch: “I had a dream that there was a woman at church who was a retiring magician, and she wanted to give us all her old magic props. When we said our life wasn’t really conducive to staging magic tricks, she couldn’t believe we wouldn’t want her stuff. I had to keep turning it down and it was really awkward.”
Me: “All we need is a box where the boys can saw each other in half.”

Me: “You act like you’re so easy-going, but you are completely opinionated, just like the rest of us in this house. Which Christmas card do you like most?”
Dutch: “I’m not opinionated. But I don’t like any of those Christmas cards.”

Me: “Remember the year I wrote a funny letter to go with the Christmas cards and you said, “I don’t like it. I think it should just say, ‘We are all well. We hope you are all well too.’ And I said, ‘That is so dumb. It’s like saying nothing. We might as well say nothing.”
Dutch: *turns pink, laughs*

Me: “Did you know that my sister used to work with a woman whose last name was Handfinger, and one day they had a training meeting with a manager whose name was John Armhand? She kept hoping they would address this strange coincidence during the meeting, but they didn’t. Apparently the Handfinger woman got married, but opted to not hyphenate her maiden and married name.”
Dutch: “Why, what was the married name?”
Me: “Brown.”
Dutch: “Good call.”

Me: “Do you think the boys could handle Disneyland?”
Dutch: “They can barely handle The Pie Pizzeria.”

Me: “At your cousin’s baby shower, I showed everyone our family pictures. Aunt Janny said you look just like Jeb Bush.”
Dutch: *howls riotously*

Me: “I don’t think the ice in the ice maker keeps melting into a giant ice blob and clogging up the ice dispenser because the kids leave the freezer door open. I think water is dripping into the ice and causing it to melt into an ice blob.”
Dutch: “No. It’s definitely the kids leaving the freezer door open.”
Me: “I disagree. Engineers don’t always know everything.”
Dutch: *ignores last comment while breaking apart the giant ice blob in the ice maker*

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