Without January, Could We Really Love June?

Jack is doing better. Things aren’t completely perfect, but they are substantially improved.

He is on a new medication, which is helping him stay calmer, cheerier, mellower, happier. He is also sleeping fourteen hours per night, for real.

He still gets the angry, crazy face but mostly isn’t attacking people. We still have Code Browns and lakes of urine. We aren’t entirely confident that we can take him in the car without a second adult to act as bouncer. But compared to a week ago, we’ve come a blissfully long way.

Today my friend Shirley gave the lesson in Relief Society. The central theme came from a Richard G. Scott talk where he said (in so many words), “We experience turmoil so we can understand peace.”

It’s one of those concepts that shoots into your chest with an icy prickle of truth, then warms and melts as it resonates in your heart. Yes, Richard G. Scott, you summarized my life in that one sentence. Bingo.

Without sadness, what is happiness?

Without stretching and changing, where is progress?

If it weren’t for January, could we really love June?

Yesterday I told Dutch that I’m worried about Jack being happy in the years to come. He replied, “To Jack, happiness is a vacuum.”

I think I need to stop worrying what’s ahead and just embrace the reality that for my son, happiness is a trip to McDonald’s.

It’s a fluffy quilt wrapped around his head on the couch.

It’s Kirby, the sweet adaptive P.E. teacher at school.

It’s Hostess cupcakes and Reese’s peanut butter cups.

It’s bouncing on the trampoline.

Happiness is a bath, a sheet of bubble wrap, a stick of gum, a vacuum.

If I didn’t know turmoil intimately, I couldn’t appreciate peace.

If I didn’t have my Jack, I wouldn’t understand the gift of simplicity.


  7 comments for “Without January, Could We Really Love June?

  1. January 25, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    Oh Megan, I love your blog so much. You are a treasure. 🙂 Thanks for letting me know you!

  2. allison
    January 25, 2015 at 7:20 pm

    You put into words perfectly what my husband and I were just trying to talk about, but we couldn’t find the right words. THANKS!

  3. Vivian
    January 25, 2015 at 8:51 pm

    You have the wisdom of a 50 year-old. Enjoy each moment for what it is. You are doing a terrific job!

  4. Jeannie
    January 26, 2015 at 8:32 am

    I quietly read your blog, along with a handful of others, because you are real and because authenticity is healing. I am a caregiver for a mentally ill family member and dealing with that has stripped off the masks we used to wear at church and everywhere else. It has also completely overwhelmed me, made me feel crazy and brought me to despair and to my knees. I am a better person but still it truly, deeply sucks. Home should feel safe, you know?

    Thank you for being real. I pray for you, my dear sister.

    I couldn’t do what I do without NAMI. I wonder if there is a similar support group in your situation.

  5. Louise Plummer
    January 26, 2015 at 10:46 am

    Beautifully said.

  6. January 26, 2015 at 10:51 am

    Sometimes, even in January, I feel just a touch of the sunshine from June. That’s how I get through.

  7. January 27, 2015 at 12:20 pm

    Yes, you are an amazing woman, mother, wife, writer, and friend. I love everything about you!

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