Month: March 2015

Okay, Sure

The other night I got a text from a friend with a special-needs daughter. Her: “Today made me want to rip my hair out and swear uncontrollably. I may have done one of those things. I’m having a hopeless day. Hopeless that she will ever be capable of functioning and hopeless that I’ll ever be able to handle being her…

Girlhood

   When I was three years old, I thought the lines of white exhaust trailing behind airplanes were the marks of the airplanes scraping the sky, like a scratch on one’s skin. Because it healed, you know, after the airplane flew on. The sky was resilient.  When I was four, I had pigtails and slept on the top bunk in…

A Worthy Purpose

I read through a Buzzfeed list of Helen Keller quotes yesterday. She was amazing, and you all know how I feel about that word. But she was. I looked at photographs of her with Anne Sullivan and I felt that there was a deep connection between two people, made possible by love and perseverance. I tried to imagine Helen’s life…

Dear Everyone

Dear People, I know that the tiny letter trope has been adopted by internet culture, meaning that one can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a tiny letter penned, nay typed, by some snarky soul on the web. Anyway, I don’t care. I’m going to write a bunch of tiny letters.  Deal With It, Me Dear Drug Addicts, Thanks for…

Morning, Actually

This is how the morning went:  I woke up coughing.  I put Jack in the bath.  I started cooking hash browns and eggs.   Jack pooped in the bath, then got out and sat on the carpeted stairs, sliding down and wiping off his dirty bum.  Henry left to catch the bus.  I administered meds.  Truman screamed at the top of…

Wonder

None of Jack’s bones are broken. This news is so welcome, so extremely good. I spent last night lying awake with fever and chills imagining me taking care of Jack with a cast covering two-thirds of his body. He still is walking a bit like Quasimodo, but it may be that a) Jack just walks how he walks, and b)…

A Brief History of Jack in Radiology Departments

February 2005: Following his diagnosis with Macrocephaly Cutis Marmorata Telangiectasia Congenita Syndrome at 8 months old, Jack has an MRI under sedation. His brain looks good.   Every three months for the next several years: Jack has an abdominal ultrasound. Jack screams and writhes on the table. I sweat and hold him down. Radiology techs sigh loudly. No Wilms’ tumor…

Light & Dark

I’ve started four books this month and I can’t finish any of them. I blame me, not the books. I can’t focus. Books are my preferred escape, but what do you do when you find you can’t even read? It’s disconcerting and I don’t like it. Nor can I think of anything to write about. A big list of Jack’s…

Store-Bought Birthday Cake

I’ve been asking Charlie what he would like to do for his birthday. Party? Movie? Curiosity Museum? Nope. Cabela’s and cake. You guys, I am the luckiest mom because my children do not care about fancy birthday parties. Do. Not. Care. Which is good, because I do not care. I was not born with the party planning gene.  Honestly don’t…

More Bible

I am now recovered from a most horrible three-day weekend.  Today was all sunshine and spring weather, and boys happy to be back into the weekday routine. But yesterday, man. And the day before that. Yeesh. Jack’s behavior followed it’s typical weekend trajectory of dipping deep into the category of “heinous.” I don’t feel like recounting all the negative things that…