Month: May 2015

How to go to the cabin, in three easy steps

1. Know where the McDonald’s locations are en route. This is because, by necessity and autism, going to the country for us involves fast food. And next time, order 60 chicken nuggets instead of 40 because the guys INHALED those things and were still hungry. Also, I hate McDonald’s. Except for their Cokes. 2. Enjoy the scenery. Enjoy the greenery.…

Helicopter Parenting

“How did your first day of summer go?” my friend Heather texted me this afternoon. I responded, coolly. “It was fine.” “Except for the part when Charlie took off to the Chevron on his bike without me knowing and shoplifted four helicopter toys.” For real. Insert screaming and rending of clothing here. Oh my stars, people. $24.00 dollars in stupid…

Are You a Pill?

Do you ever look at yourself and say, “I am such a pill?” Because I said this to myself today at Charlie’s last day of school party. Three autism classes joined in for a minion bash to celebrate the end of school and it was amazing. The teachers and aides had decked their hallway of the elementary school to look…

Full Circle

Memorial Day could’ve gone pear-shaped for us. It sort of looked like it was going to because: *Dutch was on call and had to go into work. *Jack was having none of the game I invented called “Let’s stop eating all the sliced Havarti that is locked up in the garage fridge.” *Charlie was running feral from the backyard to…

Blogs! Blogs! Blogs!

I keep hearing that nobody writes or reads blogs anymore. This can’t be entirely true, because there are still plenty of famous bloggers earning fat incomes from their blogs which happens because THEY HAVE LOTS OF READERS. Obviously. And yet, apparently I came onto the blogging scene after all the cool kids everywhere had tried it and were now done…

Better Living Through Chemistry

A significant portion of my day is spent crushing pills, mixing them into liquid elixirs, and administering them to the boys. I do this a lot. Like, more than I sweep or write or eat dark chocolate from the hidey hole I’ve contrived in my sock drawer. I dose the meds roughly as often as I do laundry. It’s the…

My Place

Houses populate my dreams. I’ve been dreaming of neighborhoods. Sometimes it is the neighborhood of my childhood, but more often I am walking in my sleep through different houses in different neighborhoods: 1970’s suburbs squating on the benches of Mount Olympus. WWII-era bungalows in Sugarhouse tucked between trees whose branches reach up and over the streets to touch. Rural farmhouses…

Watching my Stories

Is anyone else out there watching Wolf Hall? It’s haunting my life. Henry VIII, my word, is such a narcissist and a ruthless sociopath. Thomas Cromwell is shrewdly brilliant, yet human. And they just lopped off Anne Boleyn’s head.  How glad am I that I did not live in England in the 1500’s when queens were disposable and female children…

Kid had a Birthday, Shout Hooray

My neighbor pointed out to me that in the Chinese Zodiak, this is the Year of the Goat.  I’m expecting greatness for me and my people now. Jack’s birthday was great. Last year, his birthday was acutely painful for me. But this weekend I had low expectations for a good day and somehow the universe delivered it to us. Jack got…

Ten School Days Left Until Summer

I’m getting excited about summer. How weird is that? I think the last time I felt true excitement for the summer months was 14 years ago when I finished graduate school. I have implemented a summer plan that draws from the good parts of past summers and sloughs off the soul-sucking parts of previous years. It’s gonna be good, guys.…