Things I am Thinking

1. You can’t run away from your problems. 

Not that I am trying to. Rather, Dutch and I spend a lot of time talking about how we could improve things for our family (i.e. a less poo-smelling house, fewer lakes of urine to clean, a basement that hasn’t been destroyed, etc.)  and we got nothin. 

We can fix it, and the problems will return. We can bulldoze Chez Goates and start over with fresh-smelling new construction and will we shortly be right back where we are now. We can’t make it go away. Changing locations doesn’t really change anything.

2. Sundays are hard.

They just are. Church plus kids who suck at church make for no-good Sundays. 

And then the bishop relayed some instruction from SLC over the pulpit yesterday and it was all, “the Sabbath is so incredibly important. Please recommit yourself to keeping it.” This is all well and good until you look around and realize that you have exactly zero clues about how to make Sundays better than they are.

I suppose that our dogged, ongoing weekly trudge through the three-hour block and the rest of the long Sabbath despite the awfulness of it is a testimony. Church is hard but we love Jesus so we go.

3. Everyone talks about the First Day of Kindergarten and the Leaving for College milestones in parenting, but I have heard little about the Sending Your Thirteen-Year-Son to Scout Camp for Six Days milestone that is making me feel like I am on a freight train and my life with Henry is shrieking by. 

This milestone, unlike some others, has me worrying about lightning strikes, drowning, bears, and car crashes, so thanks for the stress, Scout Camp.

Henry may only live in this house five more years, and then perhaps never again after that. It’s not that I want him to always live at home. I have at least one child who likely will never leave home. This alternative also fills me with sadness. 

I don’t want my children to leave, but I don’t really want them to stay home forever either, which means that motherhood is indeed a paradox.

4. “Can I handle the seasons of my life?” quoth Stevie Nicks. And me. This is something I wonder about. 

I do feel a sense of accomplishment that we have survived the baby and toddler years and are now humming along with a teen and big kids and just one preschooler. So many times I wasn’t sure that we would survive it.

We brought two children into the world after having Jack, which was the hardest thing I have ever done.

The landslide did not bring me down.

  3 comments for “Things I am Thinking

  1. Jennifer
    June 15, 2015 at 10:58 pm

    Time makes you bolder, children get older. I hate to say it, but– I’m getting older, too. Sometimes I wake up and I say, “Oh–I’m still here.” Which means I’ve survived the landslide. It may take us down, but it won’t kill us. No yet, anyway! Scout camp is a kicker because it’s the first big week away. When he comes back you’ll never be happier to clean up his stink. Ultimately, motherhood leaves us with choices none of us want to make and feelings we don’t want to feel. Thank you putting what we all feel into beautifully stated blog posts. I devour them like chocolate and peanut butter.

  2. Sarah
    June 16, 2015 at 2:21 pm

    Awful, lovely, exhausting, stress-laden, honorable paradox!

  3. Mary
    June 29, 2015 at 9:24 pm

    First of all, I love that song. There are so many ways to apply it to life. Also, I have to say that I was not ready for the twelve year old spending six days away at scout camp milestone. . . so I didn’t even send mine (because I don’t think he was really ready either). I figure that we can reevaluate in a year. I am taking the rebellious route and telling everyone that I don’t even care if he gets his eagle or not. And I don’t.

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