There is this thing I do that I really need to stop doing. Because it is so very stupid.
Whenever a weekend or a holiday approaches, I start to daydream about how I would spend the weekend or holiday if the constraints of autism and cognitive delay weren’t the determining factors of How We Do Things Around Here.
If there is a more counterproductive activity, I haven’t yet discovered it.
I’ll dream about sleeping in. Reading. Working out. Taking spontaneous vacations. Taking any vacations. Eating at places that do not serve nuggets and fries. Hiking more. Visiting museums.
It’s pretty easy to sink down into a mire when I start thinking this way. Sometimes I can pull myself out of it. I do not have a foolproof tutorial for How to Stop the Mire-Sinking, but I have a few ideas:
1. Turn Off the Brain. When I conscientiously shut down my brain for a little while, I’m way less angsty. It’s hard to think sad, wistful thoughts if you’re really not thinking at all. A good way to do this is to…
2. Sleep. Naps fix things. Maybe the brain needs to stop spinning in circles in order to heal itself. I’m pretty sure our brains are begging us to lose consciousness more often for this purpose.
3. Then get up and do something. Engaging in some sort of useful activity rewards me with some tangible success, like pruned dogwoods or vacuumed rugs.
4. Back away slowly from social media, where everyone else’s glorious life will make you want to dry heave. Concomitant with laying off the Facebook etc., is telling yourself that no life actually is perfect. It’s only curated to appear so.
5. Stick with people who don’t spend their days attempting to seem perfect. Because boring. Life is too vivid and rich for boring.
6. Read or watch something funny. Big laughter is restorative and makes the shizziness slough off. It might come back, but you can always laugh again earnestly to send it away.
7. Eat tacos. Or pizza. But only really good pizza.