Jack and the Christmas tree had their first smack down of the season yesterday. So the respite sitter (who caught the tree before it was completely felled) and I put the ornaments back on. You know how decorating the tree at the beginning of the season is fun and exciting? Well redecorating it because somebody tipped it over ten days before Christmas isn’t like that.
Jack also spends a portion of every morning rearranging the lights at the bottom of the tree for sensory/stimming purposes.
And I’m all, “Okeydokey.”
And also, “Whatever.”
What I am getting at here is that I have taken a giant step back from caring about a lot of things. If my holiday standards were low before, now I have opened a trap door in the floor and lowered them into subterranean darkness.
Bye standards! Hope you’re not afraid of the dark in that damp hole!
I’m not just talking about decor, either. Jeff’s parents are talking about coming to visit us Christmas Day and I’m wondering if we can serve something purchased, because I don’t have the physical or mental energy to cobble together great food anymore.
Disabilities don’t take holidays off, as you undoubtedly know. They can be extra hard for parents like me who 1) try to maintain a normal holiday for the sake of the family while we also 2) keep the special-needs preteen from smashing the Christmas tree and opening everybody’s presents.
And somwhow, this isn’t really bothering me.
I think the reason I feel pretty neutral about ye olde Christmastime is because I’ve let go of making it something beautiful to show off.
Christmas isn’t going to be pretty at my house. It isn’t going to be a charming homespun wonderland lovingly staged for Instagram.
It is fun though, with lots of pounding out of carols on the piano and re-reading of the same Christmas picture books, eating lots of gingersnaps and iced sugar cookies and sometimes picking up the tree from its face plant on the floor to start over again.
I’m making our Christmas expectation-free and cruelty-free for my own benefit. Falalalala, lala huzzah.