You know those Facebook-profile analyzing things that spread like infectious diseases? You click on some button that takes you to some site, giving them permission to comb through your profile (and keep combing through it into perpetuity). In return they spit out a greatest hits video or an image of Your Most Liked Photo Ever, or The Map of Words You Use Most, or Which Side of Your Brain is Dominant.
I know you know what I’m talking about, because EVERYONE IN THE WORLD POSTS THEM.
Well I did the word map back when it was thee Facebook trend, because a) I love words, and b) I’m ultimately a sheep, following the herd of sheep narcissists. Also I’m a narcissist.
You recall what the word maps looked like? Take a gander:
The most-used words are the biggest.
What would my big words be? I’m a binge reader and an unabashed writer, which means I’m fond of words. I clutched an inward, fervent hope that the biggest word wouldn’t be autism or poo or maybe some kind of curse word.
It wasn’t. My biggest word was I’m.
Yes, that’s right. Robots don’t sort out the boring words or pronouns to find the most interesting words.
My most-used word is a contraction of I and am. Narcissistic.
I was so annoyed by my word map that I didn’t share it. I just left it there, cold, self-centered, and kind of off-putting—all by itself and basically annoying.
What did I hope it would say? Glamorous! Creative! Hilarious! Unique! Brilliant!
Algorithms don’t insert words that aren’t already there into your word map. Did I secretly want my map to reveal something about me that I’d never typed into a status update?
My FB posts are usually blog links, with the occasional photo and rambling caption about Life at My House: A Dissertation on Disabilities. It’s clear that when I write things on the Facebook, they are about this reality and they originate from my perspective, hence the “I’m.” Maybe I’m justifying this. Of course I’m justifying this.
Nobody goes around posting about themselves using words like Glorious! Amazing! Stunning! and so forth. I mean seriously though.
In other news, autism was one of the larger words on my map.
So there is truth in social media.