Tiny Jaded Letters

Dear deer,

I am weirded out that 17 of you were eating the bushes and trees in my front yard and only my front yard. Why was my house the deer Mecca? Also, tonight marked the first time in my life that I have opened my front door and straight up hissed, sending 17 mule deer running.


Dear February,

I was kind of hoping you would impersonate March this year.


Dear March,

Thinking of you. With longing. No pressure.


Dear students who keep missing class and then want me to fill you in on everything you have missed,

Stop it.


Dear soul-sucking inversion,



Dear maple doughnut I ate for lunch,



Dear Husband,

Going to the pharmacy together to pick up meds shouldn’t feel like a date. But tonight it did.


Dear Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt,

I can’t stop singing your theme song in my mind.


Dear my bed,

I am deeply obsessed with you. Fluffy blankets are better than crack. I think. I’ve never done crack.


Dear new day,

Hello. Bless you.



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