Month: March 2016

Dreaming in Chocolate

I’m not sure exactly how it happened, but this blog has unofficially become my Dream Analysis Blog. And also the Spiritual Journey (yes, I know—there’s that loaded word again) Blog. I’m simply saying I recognize this. It’s happening and I’m going with it. With that preamble, let’s get to it. The other night, I dreamed I was eating an enormous…

He is Risen

I am sitting in a quiet house, wrapped in a blanket, writing. On a Saturday afternoon. This is a miracle, for numerous reasons. Jack went to his new respite center this morning, which feels like a major miracle, years in the making. We walked in—Jack’s first time there—and he got right down to vacuuming. He was completely unconcerned about Dutch…

Hermitage

Dear Everyone, This is just a note to say that I am taking a sabbatical from the blog. I can’t say for how long because I’m not yet sure. No calamitous event precipitated this self-imposed time out. It’s just me, being restorative to my self and spirit.  That’s all. I’m still writing, but at a more personal level.  If you’d…

Mindful Saturday

The sky was pale yellow this morning on my walk, with a big cloud overhead the color of a bruise. In front of me, the clouds were pink. The mountains were blue. I’m practicing mindfulness, and you guys, it’s working. I am utterly relaxed. I can’t even work up a curse word when Jack pees all around, but not in,…

Grown Up

I’ve been thinking about what it means to be a grown-up. I thought that I put aside childish things when I was 27 and Jack was diagnosed. But now I’m 38 and feel like I might be finally getting somewhere. My boys didn’t even realize they were being raised by an amateur. An actual grown-up can do things like forgive…

Jack Goes to the Dentist

We took Jack to the children’s hospital dental clinic today. It went well for a number of reasons: a) We have a handicap parking tag and parked literally ten steps from the hospital door. Less time for Jack to panic and less opportunity for him to accidentally run into the path of a car. b) I had help getting Jack…

Keep Trying, You’ll Get Be-e-tter!

Dutch put the trampoline up yesterday, which means that spring is here. When Jack can walk outside with his big bare hobbit feet, we breathe deeply. It’s like someone removed the shackles of winter we’ve been shuffling around in for months. We can stretch and move again. Something clicked in me the other day. I decided I’m tired of being…

Spinning threads

Jack’s new man therapist is revolutionizing things. He rides along to the appointments at the university, which means I don’t have to fear for my life when I drive Jack to see his specialists and Jeff doesn’t have to take a day off work to be the car bouncer. Jack is tired from walking, bowling, and swimming every afternoon and falls…

Consider the Lilies

I am in full PTSD mode following Jack’s week of not walking. I do not wish to recount the details. What remains is my exhaustion. I have little energy. I am obsessed with dark chocolate. When I have a quiet moment, instead of reading or doing something enjoyable, I stare at the wall. Or my phone. It’s a pattern that…