Grumpy Dinosaur Hates Carnivals

We took the boys to a family fun night the other day at the park near our house. Because it was free, the entire state and the populations of several surrounding states were there. Lines for each activity averaged 92 minutes. That is simply an estimate, based on how long it felt like each line took.

The evening was hot. Children were bouncing around, literally. They were also whining, obv. My neighbor, Lindsay, was in a line with her kids for a bouncy thing near me and deadpanned, “Living the dream.”

Jack and Junior showed up at one point and Jack cut into the front of a line and darted into a bouncy house before Junior retrieved him. Jack simply does what everyone wishes they could do in this situation.

When I am hot, tired, and trapped in endless lines, something happens to me and, not unlike Bruce Banner’s transformation into the Hulk, I turn into a person who is highly disillusioned by humanity. Carnivals, amusement parks, and “family fun” events trigger something in me.

I turn into a grumpy dinosaur.

I want to roar and swat at things so they will get out of my way. I’d have left that hot, crowded park at an ungainly clip, my spiked tail knocking down small children at a whim.

I am a dinosaur.

  2 comments for “Grumpy Dinosaur Hates Carnivals

  1. Amy Mautz
    June 6, 2016 at 7:35 pm

    The only thing I want from a carnival is a funnel cake, but delivered to my house. I feel like we’ve been to enough of them to satiate my children’s memory bank. (Yes, we did experience them!! I even have pictures of the carny that was in charge of your well-being on the “roller coaster” jalopy, missing teeth, and snarky sneer included) Can we check them off of our schedules for the remainder of childhood already??

  2. June 6, 2016 at 10:44 pm

    I’d rather pay some sucker to stand in line for me and I’ll show up after the wait.

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