This week the little guys and I went to the dentist and to the movies, among other things, Because it’s 87,000 degrees outside and my brain has wilted, I’m going to recap these events in listicle.
I know. The Internet is so proud of me.
A) The dental assistant took my X-rays. Then she took films of the boys. Truman, whose only prior dentist visit was a scream-fest, was angelic and compliant. Later, my mom noted that it must be his age. “He has matured,” she remarked. “Maybe,” I said. “But he’s also on anxiety meds now, so they da real MVP.” #zoloft #winning
B) I floss every day. We brush copiously in this house. We had nary a cavity between us. And yet, the dental staff did something that many a dental office employee has done to me over the years. They shamed our dental hygiene. It’s like nothing short of two hours a day of laser-focused mouth cleanliness is good enough. Why do they do this? And what does it say about me that I am so predictably annoyed by the heavy-handed talk of our never-good-enough teeth cleaning practices? There was a lot of condescending talk about my gum line. They said our dental health could’ve been so much worse. “Yes!” I wanted to shout from my reclined chair. “But it wasn’t! We straight up passed this dental “exam” with flying colors. Y’all need to get away from the dental tools more and live a little.” But I didn’t.
C) Seriously. What’s wrong with me? Why do I want to close my eyes and cover my ears and just have robots clean my teeth instead? Nice, neutral, robotic automatons, who keep quiet and do their job without commentary? I have issues.
D) We saw Finding Dory. Like much of the Internet, I saw the connection between myself as a special-needs parent, and Dory and her parents. While Dory’s disability is short-term memory loss, her lack of focus and distractability, as well as her tendency to talk about random, unrelated things was awfully reminiscent of autism life.
E) “Dory has autism,” I kept saying in my head throughout the movie. She doesn’t, actually, but it felt that way to me.
F) My kids were really good during the movie. Charlie did ask 4 million questions, but he asked them fairly quietly, so yay for progress. Truman did get up and wander around a bit, lying on the steps and leaning over the railing. But he did it unobtrusively, so I felt that we won this round of Getting the Children to Attend Movies Appropriately.
G) It’s been many years in the making, this day. I think I deserve a night out at a non-kid movie as a reward.
H) We got my car inspected and emissions-tested, which was quick and uneventful, as it should be.
I) We went swimming, twice. Truman got in the pool and practiced floating, blowing bubbles, and kicking his legs. He also jumped off the steps, going underwater in his life vest before bobbing back to the surface like a cork. He has never gotten in the pool once during every previous summer. When fear is subdued, people can live their lives, you guys. #zoloft #betterlivingthroughchemistry
J) Brexit happened. While I understand the enormity of this vote, I can’t stop thinking that the term “Brexit” sounds like a type of digestive biscuit. Because Brits love their digestive biscuits.
K) With my admittedly limited American perspective, I don’t have the same passionate stance on this topic that British people do. I’ve done a fair amount of reading about this issue, yet I can’t say I agree fully with one side. It’s a complex topic, and I’m possibly too far removed from this conundrum to form a reliable opinion on it. (Please disregard this pointless bullet point. Thank you).
L) Jack has been going to bed around midnight and waking up before six am, which is an effective form of Long Summer Day Torture. Super effective.
M) Not cool, but effective at toying with the parents’ mental health.
N) Summer mornings are lovely and smell brand new.