Month: December 2016

Vacation Melancholy

We drove away from home this morning, leaving Jack at home with a sitter, which, predictably, left me conflicted. I was excited to leave, to take my other children on a little trip where we are doing normal things, like going to movies and out to eat, after a longer car ride than Jack would’ve been able to comfortably handle.…

Merry and Bright, Maybe

It’s Christmas Eve day and it’s raining. Tonight it will turn to snow—lots of snow—and keep snowing into tomorrow. A white Christmas is magical. But my expectations about this holiday are modest. Will Jack behave? Will he be overwhelmed at the family parties? Will he get cabin fever since he doesn’t go out in the snow? Will this weekend be…

I’m Lighting the World, yo

This could end up being one of those We Had the Worst Day Ever with Jack posts that unfortunately tends to populate this site. This is because Saturday was one of the worst days ever with Jack. His right ear appeared to have blown out due to infection. We saw all the signs, but were loathe to take him to Instacare on a…

All the Dreams We Cannot Flee

I had an eerily vivid WWII-era-ish dream. I am not making this up. It sounds made up. But I dreamed it and it was awfully real. Even in hindsight, writing it down is disconcerting as it brings the associated stress right back to my psyche. I dreamed my sister and I were in a European village, where we apparently lived.…

Dreamscape

I’m having the wild dreams again. It’s obvious that my dream life sometimes rears up like a sleeping dragon that is tired of dormancy. The dragon has launched, guys, with fire coming from its nostrils, reptilian wings flapping. All the anxiety comes out in the dreams. They are an ethereal, visual manifestation of my fears. And yet they also feature…

Nativity

Tonight for family night, we ate brownies first because Jack would not have it any other way, before talking about baby Jesus—specifically why there was a baby Jesus. I asked Truman to set up the little wooden creche. Charlie joined in. Finally Jack came and hung the shepherd by the crook of his staff on the nail above the stable…

Awfully Monday-ish

There is something awfully Monday-ish about a Monday in winter when it’s grey outside and the house has exploded after Jack’s weekend of discontent and I have piles of things to do for my classes and managing Jack’s support services. My relief at seeing the boys get on the bus of a Monday morning is as great as my sense…

Off Day

We are having an off day. Saturdays are always already “off,” but this one is even weirder than all the rest. Jack has been a bear—a tired, grumpy, flailing bear who would not nap, despite me lying next to him on my bed for a very long time as we watched a sixty minute youtube video of a woman vacuuming her living room…

Dear God,

I don’t know what to say. Sometimes I get repetitive and ask for all the same things, after glossing over my thanks for the huge things. Sometimes I fall asleep when I pray. You already know this. I’m sorry. Sometimes I pray from the perspective of my children, asking that we can all be good boys and not be consumed…