Dear God,

I don’t know what to say.

Sometimes I get repetitive and ask for all the same things, after glossing over my thanks for the huge things.

Sometimes I fall asleep when I pray.

You already know this.

I’m sorry.

Sometimes I pray from the perspective of my children, asking that we can all be good boys and not be consumed by anxiety. And that we can go in the potty.

And sometimes (occasionally,) I pray aloud. But usually, I pray silently, in my head.

I know you know all the things I need—that we need. Even in the worst times, you’ve given us exactly enough to keep going another day. I can recognize the pattern.

It’s taken me a long dozen years, but I am starting to see.

So this prayer will be solely about me counting my blessings.

Thank you for the helpers—for the behavior therapists, our behaviorist, our support coordinator, the bus drivers, the teachers, the aides, the doctors, the OTs, the SLPs, and the legion of sitters over the years. They make life beyond a scraping existence possible. They are dear to me.

Thank you for the snow—for unveiling winter’s subtle beauty. Thank you for seasons that dress the earth differently and make it feel new.

Thank you for heaping change on my family, for taking us from regular to comfortable to dismal to train wreck to phoenix. Thank you for holding us up through the process. Thank you for the chance to grow.

Thank you for Jesus.

Please thank Jesus for me.

I love you both,



  3 comments for “Dear God,

  1. Catherine Ethington
    December 1, 2016 at 10:03 pm

    I read this and my heart swells
    With love for you. Love because I know my own hardships and in some small way feel connected to you because we both have uniquely challenging children. To be frank, it’s refreshing to read about someone else’s life that’s hard and not swollen with all of the extras that normal people with normal kids have. This is over simplifying but I know you understand what I mean. My eyes swell with tears as you share specifies from your day or your prayer, and although they are different than mine they feel so familiar. It scrapes around all the corners of my heart making it raw and then your testimony of God and Christ soothes over it like a salve. Thank you for sharing your life and letting me thrive thanks to your writing.

  2. Sarah
    December 4, 2016 at 12:38 pm

    Your writing is the most beautifully honest writing I have ever read.

  3. Barbara Thornton
    December 5, 2016 at 9:17 pm

    So real, and so honest. And Catherine Ethington is my sister and her comment made me cry. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it heals you to share, but you are also helping so many people.

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