A new week is here, along with structure, routine, and a somewhat healthier me (meaning, I’m beginning to recover from my plague).
When Jack has his helpers, when I get to be active, when SPRING shows up and wrests our winter blahs away, we are a living manifestation of homeostasis.
Don’t question if will last. Don’t wonder why it never lasts. Don’t think about how long until the lovely balance tips, erodes, smashes on the pavement. Just breathe it in and savor it. This, right now.
Even as I wrote these words, I was summoned downstairs where Jack was beginning to trash the kitchen when he was told he could not eat ALL the brownies in the pan. He pulled my hair, kicked me, and tried to bite me before I wrestled him to a prone position and waited for Shandon to retrieve Jeff from his office. Because of brownies and limits and not getting what he desperately wants (It turns out he wanted cheese, not brownies. So much drama over this minor distinction).
Last week, I graduated from physical therapy. I left with a surprisingly NOT ugly t-shirt, which Henry instantly appropriated. Teens. Wow. I roll my eyes right back at them.
Anyway, the physical therapist helped me bring my back and hips and neck into a homeostatic state. Along the way, I decided I wanted to change my sedentary and sugar-consuming self, and I acknowledged that making one’s body a priority ISN’T selfish but IS vital for being a caregiver. Also, it improves one’s will to live, so there’s that.
It was one year ago this week that I began my non-ironic spiritual journey. My friend and mentor, Jana, guided and counseled me on a path that brought me to a point of spiritual equilibrium. It’s a spiritual high ground (not the HIGHEST ground, but higher than I was before), a place of centeredness and liberty from pervasive fears. All of these terms sound new age-y and clichéd, but they are the best actual words I know of to describe what really happened to me, and which has stayed with me.
I didn’t know how much I needed to reach homeostasis until I reached it. And then I wondered how I lived so long before without this symbiosis between God and me. This was the reward of true meekness, born of year after year after endless year of raising my unique children with their constellation of challenges.