Things No One Tells You About Turning Forty

  1. Even though you’re not technically aged, your knees might start falling apart. Yay.
  2. You inwardly feel like you’re twenty, but actual twenty-year-old people think you’re an old person.
  3. You might have a child who is the same age as the characters in the YA novels you like to read. You know, the characters that are running around having adventures and innocent romances and complete, complex lives outside of their home life? It’s frightening to me.
  4. Thirty percent of your waking hours will be devoted to shopping for food to feed all the people. Or thereabouts.
  5. This is the age you will likely start to be grateful you have religiously worn sun screen on your pale, ginger-skinned face every day for the last twenty years.
  6. Time moves more quickly than you thought it would at age twenty-three, possibly because you are so busy all the time and have more people to take care of than yourself.
  7. At this point, you may decide that if you’re going to eat junk food, it had better be really really super high quality junk food, like the dark chocolate/almond/sea salt bark Jeff and I have hidden in my bureau. Fun size candy bars, on the other hand? No and also heck to the no.
  8. Your parents may begin to slow down, or get sick, or face ongoing health struggles. This is not an easy thing.
  9. Your body begins a slow, creeping, inevitable downhill journey to entropy, while your inner self continues an upward trajectory of deeper understanding borne of experience.
  10. If there is any way to get out of seeing a kid movie called Boss Baby, you will have no shame in using it.

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