Moving On…

The breast care center called this morning. My biopsy was negative.

Huzzah and a huge sigh of relief.

Honestly, over the last two weeks, I have examined my own mortality and plumbed the depths of my soul. I feel that this whole thing may have been a heavenly-imposed exercise in acceptance and trust.

I was prepared to receive different results. I’ve spent the recent days questioning my life and my spiritual readiness. Am I actually ready to accept all things that God allows to unfold in my life?

To be frank, I agonized.

But just yesterday as I meditated about this experience, I said to myself, “I know God loves us and things will work out in the end. Whatever happens, I trust Him. It will ultimately be okay, even more than okay.” And I was peaceful.

Then I spent roughly 10,000 hours on the phone with Jack’s doctor, support coordinator, principal, and residential care director because Jack is doing the same aggressive/destructive things at his new school that he did at his old one. So after talking sensory integration diets, med changes, crisis intervention plans, communication strategies, and even a different door for Jack to enter and leave the school (so he won’t knock little preschoolers down in the halls), we have a better course of action to follow that will keep everyone safe and allow Jack to progress beyond the negative behaviors that are his stumbling block to academic growth.

The last few weeks have featured me walking around blindly, holding onto hope that God would see us through the darkness.

Today, light is shining again on me. I am flooded with thanksgiving that Jack has such a marvelous and dedicated team working on his behalf. I am thankful for another day of life, of health, of drawing breath. I’m dazzled by the slanty golden sunlight of a mid-October afternoon.

Once again, Jesus showed up. He lifted the load that was crushing me.

This will never stop being remarkable to me.

  6 comments for “Moving On…

  1. Julie M
    October 11, 2017 at 3:27 pm

    Huzzah from me, too! So glad for the colors of Autumn. And all other gifts from heaven, including negative biopsies.

  2. Amy Stewart
    October 11, 2017 at 6:04 pm

    Oh, Megan, I love you! What an ordeal. I’m so glad you’re okay. I need to get a mammogram. I’m kind of glad you posted these three entries on the same day so I didn’t even have a chance to worry about you.

  3. allysha
    October 11, 2017 at 7:27 pm

    I am so glad your biopsy was negative, and that you survived the uncomfortable humiliation of the process.
    I love this:
    “Once again, Jesus showed up. He lifted the load that was crushing me.
    This will never stop being remarkable to me.”

    I’ve been through that breast cancer scare, though fortunately it did not involve machines squishing delicate body parts. It was nerve wracking. I told two people, my husband and one of my sisters. (And I had picked out my husband’s next wife, step-mother to my children, and I was not happy about it. ha.) Mortality is full of crazy things, isn’t it.

  4. Barb
    October 11, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    Oh my gosh, Megan! What a horrible, scary, earth shaking experience for you! I haven’t checked in in a few weeks and my heart is just aching for you and this agony you endured. The NOT KNOWING part of it is the worst. I’m so so glad you are okay.

  5. Deb Allred
    October 12, 2017 at 10:53 pm

    So relieved!! I think I was holding my breath!! ❤️

  6. Mary
    October 15, 2017 at 11:51 pm

    Just checked in on your blog and your last few posts brought up memories. Last year, right before Christmas, I thought I had Inflammatory Breast Cancer and had multiple doctor appointments for testing (and a biopsy). It was certainly traumatic and caused deeper soul searching than any experience I had ever gone through. I was not ever at peace about it and was not OK with the idea of leaving my babies motherless (that type of cancer is essentially a death sentence), so I admire your faith. Those few weeks of uncertainty changed me. The Refiner’s fire. I don’t know what it’s like to actually be diagnosed, but I can empathize with what you have experienced recently. It is terrifying to face your mortality when you have young children depending on you (I lost about 10 lbs in a week and a half because I couldn’t eat). The idea of leaving my children without a mother did feel like more than I could handle.

    I have realized since then that I think I felt so faithless in part because I DIDN’T have cancer. If I was going to test positive, I believe I would have felt more peace and strength from the Savior. I would have known that it was part of my plan. Because it wasn’t part of my plan, I didn’t feel that reassuring peace until my results were negative. (I don’t know if that makes sense to anyone but me).

    So happy for you that your results are negative! And hugs for the stress of the last weeks.

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