The Next Right Step

  1. I can eat again.
  2. It’s Jeff’s birthday and we get to have a night out, so yay us.
  3. Physical therapy is making me huuuuuurt.
  4. I am now one of those people who complains about sore body parts.
  5. And talks about exercise all the time, gah.
  6. I’ve been on the phone with the support coordinator lots in the past week.
  7. We have discussed and then discussed some more, all the options for Jack.
  8. There were four responses to his call for service, meaning the search to find a new service provider for Jack’s needs; three aren’t the right fit for him. He would not succeed in those scenarios.
  9. The fourth, in the southern part of the state, is the only viable option.
  10. I have prayed a lot that the fourth option would be approved.
  11. Like, a lot.
  12. Muchos prayers.
  13. Many people have suggested we look into the state developmental center.
  14. A few things to know about this option: a) We are aware of it and feel it is ideal for Jack, however b) it’s kind of impossible to get into until you’ve exhausted all other options and are c) preferably not a minor. I personally believe Jack will live there someday and it will provide the care he needs for a long time. But today is not that day. And we need something else now.
  15. Other people have said they thought Jack’s current placement was meant to be and they couldn’t believe it wasn’t working now. We do believe it was the right first step for getting Jack into residential care. But it’s not the last stop for him. His needs are evolving and incredibly intense.
  16. Sometimes people will comment about the endlessness of Jack’s ongoing issues, like in a caring, sympathetic way. I’ve found that this doesn’t make me feel sorrowful or persecuted as it once did. Instead I’ve learned that now I see Jack’s care not as something to solve, but as a process which will continue and require faith and major problem-solving skills for the duration of his life.
  17. I guess I see the challenges as a series of steps we are taking. It’s a path of stepping-stones and they lead waaaay into the distance.
  18. Another realization: I don’t feel sad and exhausted about this, as in years past.
  19. Which is really great, huzzah!
  20. While I graded papers by the fire this morning, the support coordinator called with this news: Jack has been approved for the facility down south.
  21. Miracles happen. For real.
  22. THIS IS A MIRACLE.
  23. God loves Jack and knows what he needs.
  24. I reflected and realized that I never doubted that God would present us with a plan.
  25. I did, however, fear that the next step would be difficult to swallow. And swallowing has literally made me gag, of late.
  26. Which maybe does mean that I actually am a tad fearful of the length and difficulty of that stepping-stone path, the one that represents Jack’s life.
  27. And I had a stress dream wherein I went to class (the one I teach) an hour late and couldn’t remember anyone’s name. Also, I had no lesson plan and I couldn’t make the computer or projector work. So there’s that.
  28. But back to the stepping-stones. Through this tumultuous process, I’ve learned that because this is mortality, there is no final solution.
  29. There is no arrival at the right place with enduring perfection and happily ever after.
  30. There is only the next right step.

  3 comments for “The Next Right Step

  1. March 22, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    Love you. Needed to read this. We may have our own (smaller) next steps to take shortly. I needed you faith and courage to bolster my own.

  2. Blue
    March 22, 2018 at 10:11 pm

    Just last week we met with a company called step stone for something and I’ve been thinking about step stones since. They’re everywhere, in every life, everyone relationship, because nothing stays the same. Very death is just another step stone, not the end. I’m so grateful Jack got another timely miracle. ?

  3. Julie
    March 26, 2018 at 8:37 am

    Those last three steps–just what I needed to read today. Thank you. And thank God for miracles.

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