I’ve been thinking quite a lot about this blog over the last few weeks of NOT writing in it. My thoughts have included:
- I am grumpy about this blog.
- Said grumpiness stems from feeling a sense of duty to write here, when I don’t want to be vulnerable and post things about myself and my family all the time.
- Also, I am le grump because God told me to have this blog (oh hi, pressure) and it has become a burden to me.
- Grumpiness aside, I was telling someone I had just met that I write things on my blog. They asked me what I write about, and without missing a beat, I said “special-needs parenting,” which I realized isn’t the complete truth.
- The special-needs story is part of who I am and what I talk about, but it’s ancillary to the big headline, which is that…
- My faith has saved me. Also…
- Jesus saves me daily. And…
- Jack, Jeff, and my other boys are my cohort of spiritual companions while we sojourn in a mortal realm. So basically…
- I write about How to Survive Your Life in the sense that you have to find truth and seize hold of it and pursue it through all challenges. In sum…
- For me and my people, this is the truth: Jesus is the means to spiritual survival, to healing and progress, and to hope which ultimately looks like peace.
After having this realization, I felt two conflicting emotions: 1) relief at overtly acknowledging this, and 2) weighed down by the idea of being that person who always writes about sacred things and spiritual journeys.
So.
That’s where I am, reader. I don’t need reassurance, and I don’t blame you if my tormented introspection is getting you down and if you want to go somewhere else to read really anything else. I get it.
I’ve stepped away from writing, my mind and laptop lying fallow for a time.
And I’m still in this dormant phase, apparently, because this post does not contain a brilliant story or insight for your reading pleasure.
It’s just me checking in and being real, even that means I’m real boring.
This post made me think of Moroni. He was a somber person, I think. And his writing was also compelled, when he likely didn’t feel like writing much, after watching all of his people and family be killed, he was like, well, I’m the prophet, and I have these plates, and I am still alive, so I guess I better write some stuff here that God wants me to write. 🙂
I think he took some rest breaks too. I think it was Elder Holland who said that fatigue is the enemy of us all. Sometimes I think grumpiness is another word for fatigue, and that taking breaks is a necessity for the soul and mental health. And also for new ideas for what to write about to percolate.
Just my two thoughts this Monday morning. I think you are brilliant and your testimony strengthens me whenever I read anything you write, even if you don’t feel like you are writing anything of consequence because you need to rest for a season.