In the process of turning this blog from exclusively-about-special-needs-parenting to essentially all-Jesus-all-the-time, I realized I’ve been a tad stymied by the bigness of this evolving purpose.
One of the side effects of this bigness, as it were, is that I don’t want to write as much because it’s exponentially harder to write about the Savior of the world than it is to write about how many vacuums went over the backyard fence that day.
It’s just different. Weightier. So I do it less.
But yesterday in the temple I felt like I should just woman-up and talk about what’s happening in my current inner life. So here is a life update, by me and about me.
First, I have pulled back from some writing commitments in order to manage my family better. I’m writing less already, and the pressure to produce writing for outside sources has completely zapped my creative well. So I’ve taken a step back, and ironically, without the pressure, I’m finding writing is easier. Listen guys, if you love something, you gotta set it free.
Second, I’m stepping back from Wednesdays at the temple. I’ll still be an ordinance worker, but it won’t be every Wednesday morning. I’ll be on a new flexible shift, which allows me to serve various days throughout the month which jive with whatever is happening with my family at that moment. I feel an incredible burden lifted with this adjustment. I thrive on the power and the spiritual openness I feel when administering temple ordinances, and I want that to continue in my life. But now I can do it with some flexibility in the timing.
I have been fairly overwhelmed of late by all the responsibilities in my current life, which has led to this introspective/proactive place where I am identifying what needs to change and then doing that thing.
I’m teaching more classes this semester, while also creating a completely new set of lesson plans for the class’s new curriculum. All of this would be fine, and is fine, except I still have two kiddos at home with quite a few special needs. I am seeing the areas where they need more support than I am currently available to give.
So, third, I’m going to be teaching just one class next semester. God told me to teach college writing. And work in the temple. And have children. And write.
God also told me, via my patriarchal blessing, to carefully guard my physical strength because my spirit demands energy and vitality. I used to think this meant I needed to avoid risky situations and stay safe. I still think that’s true, but my interpretation of this admonition has grown in scope and inclusivity. I now see it as a guide for protecting my energy. I’ve learned that when I’m physically tired, I can’t tackle spiritually, mentally, and creatively taxing pursuits.
That personalized caution from my PB has become more and more meaningful over the course of my life, and I’m taking it seriously. I’ve got things to do, and I need to save my energy for doing those things.
The last big change is still nascent at this point. I haven’t fully figured it out, but I’m working on it. While it isn’t entirely pinned down yet, this other thing is also about redirecting energy and efforts into better channels.
Change is good. Also terrifying. But good, and I’m listening to what my Heavenly Parents are telling me, because they are telling me things.